Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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