yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
