Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My feet surprised me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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