I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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