Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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