walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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