We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
