I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
