I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
