How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
