we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
