the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
