And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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