i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
