I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
