either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
