Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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