Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
