i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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