Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I want her autograph on my taint
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
