i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm having to shit out rocks
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
