Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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