i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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