too bad you live with your parents still
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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