Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
