I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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