I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
