hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
