just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
