At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
