So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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