he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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