Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
if only i could text you this smell
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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