I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
