... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
