She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You may now shotgun with the bride
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
