Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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