he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
