She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
