i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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