Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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