She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
