remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sorry about my life...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
