Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
