i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
All I want is dick and wine.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
