A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
