Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
