also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
