I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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