im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
