I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
