i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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