the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
