Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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