return my video game
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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